Core Energy: Why It’s Key to a Coaching Relationship
One of my favorite things to say and live by: The moment you let go of having to have control over the things you cannot control is when you gain control.
For someone who primarily values freedom, the feeling of losing control completely violates this value. Last week, I shared that Jay was required to be held accountable, as we had discussed. He didn’t like it and the week that followed took a turn that many of us would just as easily do – he got angry and confrontational. Jay, valuing his freedom, wants to do things on his terms and while he was accomplishing some major hurdles in his life, I wouldn’t let it go on the little things. He had no control over when or why I was holding him accountable and his way of gaining that control back was to lash out and give me a few “F-bombs”.
It was the most awesome conversation that we had since the beginning of our coaching journey. Jay let down his guard, got rid of his façade and got real. By the end of our conversation he felt like he was hit by a “fleet of trucks,” but knew he just let go of something that was weighing him down for a long time. I’m not going to share what took place in that conversation, but instead let Jay tell his story. The most powerful impact we can share that might help anyone reading this blog this week is definitely from his perspective. What I will share is witnessing the amazing transition of his core energy within 32 minutes.
So what is core energy and why is it key to our coaching relationship?
I am a certified Core Performance Dynamics Specialist, trained by the Institute for Professional Excellence in Coaching (iPEC) in the Core Energy Coaching™ process that was created by the founder, Bruce Schneider. The information I am sharing here is a direct result of the education I received at iPEC.
Core Energy is what you bring to every action you take, which is influenced by internal and external factors. Let me break it down even further for you to help you relate to what Jay goes through on a regular basis.
There are two types of energy and we flow through the various levels in between the two constantly. The more conscious we become to our thoughts and feelings, our actions can consistently resonate at a higher level of energy allowing us to always see incredible opportunities in every situation.
The first type is Catabolic Energy, which is destructive, draining, resisting, and contracting. While it gives you a boost to combat what you perceive as a stressful situation, it is distracting and acts like a blinder through which you only see a limited view of the situation, thus reducing the choices available to you. It may be useful in the short term when chosen consciously, but in the long term or subconsciously it imparts mental, emotional, and physical tolls that are potentially destructive. The example of Jay’s experience with catabolic energy is clearly stated in his blog about “Why and How to Change your Mindset From Need to Want” where he talks about his “resistance muscle.” The areas of his actions that are viewed as “have to, must do, need to, or even thoughts of I can’t, or I never will” use a lot of catabolic energy to avoid. This past week Jay’s behavior took a toll on him emotionally, mentally, and physically where he was completely spent from his anger. For the first time in our relationship, he felt like a victim to the coaching relationship and lost control of what he gets to do.
The second type of energy is Anabolic Energy, which is constructive, expanding, fueling, healing, and growth-oriented. It’s the energy that is behind creativity, intuition to compassion and caring. It fuels your body, your perceptions, your interactions, and helps you move forward to achieve powerful, sustainable results. It is the cornerstone of high performance in your actions. The past few weeks Jay has had so many “AHA!” moments that his excitement for taking on new challenges made him glow. Such as learning that his life can be so simple by dictating into his phone, where he talked about it in his blog “Two Elements that are Essential to Your Goals in Life”. Also this week, he learned he was indeed in control of how he chooses to show up in any action and how what we are doing is to help him get to his goals that were his choice. At the end of our call the other day that started off very catabolic and with Jay dropping an F-bomb on me, he shared how he was ready to take action on something he was holding back from for a long time and free himself from the self imposed prison he’s been in for far too long.
HE DID IT! Jay took control of how HE showed up in a situation that the end results would be completely out of his control. He knew he couldn’t control how others would feel, how they would react or what they would say. He consciously chose to make it happen regardless of how scared he was because he knew he was going to grow in that very moment and take steps to free himself.
Before Jay took action after our call, he had said to me that he just wanted to spend some time understanding all that had transpired on that call and just allow himself to work through what he was feeling, because he knew there was something to learn. Now THAT was such a wonderful, highly anabolic energetic statement – he WANTED to learn from what he originally perceived as a catabolic exchange and see it as the magical moment it truly was for him: He IS in control.