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How to Change Your Mindset From Need to Want

It is important to your overall health and wellness to understand the difference between a have and want mindset.
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How to Change Your Mindset From Need to Want

Resistance, a powerful mental muscle, but one I’m committed to making peace with…

On Monday, July 6th, 2015, 86 days ago, Andrea R. Kao and I officially started our client and coach relationship. And try my best to “explain” my “weigh” as to why I’m stuck week-to-week like I’ve been pretty much for the past 4+ years, I haven’t been able to escape Andrea’s commitment to stay with me until we crack the code of my self-imposed resistance to “be” and “live” what I say I want.

I keep telling her what I want, but I keep not doing it…

I never had any intention of asking Andrea to coach me. We talked a few times, getting to know each other, until one day she asked if I wanted her to coach me and for the BHAG I shared with her.

I said yes, but I have to admit, it was a half-assed yes. Now that doesn’t sound nice, and it wasn’t about her, it was about me and the fact that I had lost trust in myself. I had lost my motivation, I was “OK” with where I was, and I wasn’t really sure I had the mojo anymore to really stick with anything.

Keeping those thoughts in my head, it’s a lot easier to take when they stay there. But putting them in print, that’s a lot harder to take.

If you’re coming into this story for the first time, I originally asked Andrea to coach me to run my 2nd NYC Marathon in under 5 hours.

Below is a copy of my first official coaching stake in the ground with Andrea.

Hi Jay,

Based on our conversation this morning, I’ve created the attached training program for you to follow in order to complete the NYC Marathon in under 5 hours.  This program should be manageable for you to complete each of the types of training runs necessary to reach your goal. If we need to modify it at any point in time we will address it as each week passes.

For now I just want you to have a schedule to complete for this week. I will get back to you with some forms of stretching, cross training, and what I want you to log for each training run you do to report back to me on a weekly basis  – due after each Long Run.

Let me know if you have any questions regarding the attached.

Have a great night.

Keep moving,
Andrea

Andrea R. Kao
Owner

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Helping athletes and coaches achieve high energy performance whether on the field of play, in the classroom or in their personal lives.

So, for a few weeks, Andrea was holding up her end of the deal, and I was performing and acting exactly as I expected I would until: “Why I Coached Him Out of Running a Marathon

So now Andrea and I were back to the starting line. What did I really want?

As I opened this article, for 86 days Andrea has generously listened to my “stories”, “reasons” and “circumstances,” and little by little each week we’re making progress. But certainly not the progress I was hoping for, as she discovered that I was continuing to be stuck in an “all or nothing” mindset.

This is a mindset that I’ve lived with pretty much all of my life. And it’s also a mindset that I think 99.9% of my weight, fitness and wellness challenged peeps live everyday as well.

My resistance muscle is so good, so powerful, that the article that Andrea sent me last Wednesday took me a week to open and read.

7 days later I finally opened it, this morning.

I’m pretty intuitive, so I think I sensed that maybe what she was going to share might be something I really wasn’t ready to face, or do as I will do anything and everything I can to preserve my right to be free, and not be told to do something.

Resistance is such a powerful mental muscle, but one I’m committed to make peace with.

Knowing Andrea’s coaching, even though I resisted reading it until this morning, I had a feeling what she was going to share would not only be an insight that I needed, it very well may be a turning point in our relationship.

It was.

So please take a look at what Andrea is calling me out on. Not so much as it applies to where I’m at on my journey, but play along with me and read it as if Andrea is coaching you too and see what opens up for you.

Yes, these articles are about the interaction between Andrea and I, but the real reason we’re sharing them with you is because Andrea and I are committed to doing all we can together to help as many people as we can create a life they love, and live it well.

Why Instant Gratification Can Ruin Your Plans

In the article I wrote a few weeks ago titled “The Most Important Thing I Learned From My Life Coach” I shared that I’ve been told I’m a pretty good coach for people, but I’m not such a good coach for myself.

So when Andrea shared… “While Jay is learning about why he’s making these conscious choices, understanding the difference between have to vs. want to, and redefining how his values work for him, he is slowly moving away from the all or nothing behavior.” I laughed because I give health + wellness keynotes all over the country sharing how important it is to understand how to change your mindset and how freeing it is to move from a “have” to mindset to a “want” to mindset, which I share in one of my favorite presentation slides.

Once again Andrea shines a light on the difference between knowing and doing.

A graphic talking about the difference between a need and want mindset, and how to change your mindset.

So this article is already pretty long since I went rogue on the format and had you hop right into Andrea’s article, and combined what she shared with my thoughts.

So as I was wrapping this up I decided that I’d like Andrea and I to take a look at what I was believing, sharing and doing with the previous articles I’ve shared on #couchkills. I think I need to make sure I’m truly letting go of the “weight of my past” and as much residual “resistance” as we can discover, so I don’t keep dragging any of it into my future.

Because even though my previous #couchkills articles don’t contain all of my beliefs, thoughts and feelings, there a lot of tasty topics that Andrea and I can explore to free me from my “all or nothing” thinking, and hopefully you as well.

So… if you’re game please read my first #couchkills article, “The Lessons I Learned on a Reality Show,” or just wait till Andrea share our thoughts about it next week.

Each week Andrea and I highlight what we’re learning from each other with an article. She writes hers first, and then I respond. Right now we’re still in the early stages of what this will all look like, but we’re imaging that in addition to sharing an article from each of us each week with what we’re discovering, we’ll probably test drive doing some videos together and hosting some Zoom webinars.

If you’re not familiar with our weekly exchanges here are our articles to date.

Week 1… September 16, 2015

The Most Important Thing I Learned From My Life Coach” by Jay

Why I Coached Him Out of Running a Marathon” by Andrea

Week 2… September 23, 2015

Two Elements That are Essential to Your Goals in Life” by Jay

These 5 Specific Questions Will Help You Achieve Your Life Goals” by Andrea

So we hope you #staytuned to what we’re uncovering, such as how to change your mindset, and most important we’d love to hear what’s opening up for you with our exchanges back and forth… so as I love to say…

“tag you’re it!”

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