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Secret Eating Was Holding Me Back From My Full Potential

I’ve decided helping others discover a pathway to leave “secret eating” in their past is going to be my life’s work.
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Secret Eating Was Holding Me Back From My Full Potential

Yesterday as I was having lunch with my wife Kim, an idea, a life-changing affirmation rolled into my thoughts that I knew I had to declare and share.

Kim, I have something I really need to share with you.

Something really important to me… to us.

As you might imagine, that got her attention.

And my pause really heightened her listening.

Now I had her full attention, because I really wanted to make sure what I was sharing was not only clear to her, but to me as well.

I’ve been playing around the edges of making this declaration to Kim for a while, and I’ve shared parts of it with people online and in my presentations and keynotes. However, I knew in my heart that if I was ready to “declare and share” with the person who knows me the best that I was finally ready to be my “word” about the one thing that I’ve hung onto. This was something that has been holding me back from taking my self-worth, self-image, eating, exercise, and overall wellness to it’s full potential.

Kim, I want you to know I’m ready to leave secret eating behind once and for all. Honoring myself, our kids, and you, I’m declaring that from this moment forward you can count on me to be my “word”, that I will never eat in secret again.

I was finally ready to stop secret eating!

And with that declaration I actually felt free. More importantly, I could tell from the look on Kim’s face that she believed what I just had shared.

Most importantly, I believed me too.

Let me be clear, I didn’t say I’ve never be tempted to not be my “word”, or that my past cravings and rituals of secret eating wouldn’t ever rear their ugly head again. (I’ll be sharing my secret eater escapades in another article.) What I promised to Kim and my kids was that I would be my “word” to never eat in secret again. Never!

And if you’re a secret eater, you know that’s big, really big. That’s a breakthrough!

It’s weird, and I know I only have a day of having this declaration under my belt, but the feeling I got in that moment, and the feeling I have this morning reminds me of being someone that no longer smokes.

I started smoking when I was around 13, when I was in the Boy Scouts on camping trips. Little by little, over the years, I became a 3 pack a day Marlboro Red smoker. And then around 26, I stopped smoking, had a relapse for a month, and then quit once and for all after Kim crushed a pack of cigarettes on the beach when I thought I’d ease her into the idea that I was smoking again.


So, I’m no longer a “secret eater”, and for me that’s big, that’s life changing.

And here’s what I’m really excited about: I have a new “big game” that I’m up to by sharing my revelation and declaration that I’m now my “word” about not being a “secret eater.”

From this moment forward, I intend to stay in the conversation about how I believe that “what’s most secret, is most common” when it comes to our self-talk, self-worth and self-image, which manifests itself into a vicious cycle of self-defeating “secret” behaviors usually triggered by various forms of “secret eating.”

Please understand, at this moment, other than my own personal experiences around what I call “secret eating,” I’m clueless as to the breadth of what it looks like for others. That being said, I believe that this discussion needs to be had, and I intend to get right into the middle of it.

I’ve decided the outing, exploration, conversation, support and empowerment of helping others discover a pathway for them to leave “secret eating” in their past is going to be my life’s work. I feel that strongly that it’s a major lock that needs to be opened for the millions of us who aren’t living life “well.”

And to further cement my commitment to be in the conversation about “secret eating,” you may have seen in an earlier post that I’m starting to write my first Couch Kills book + video series publishing project titled It’s No Secret.

As I shared above, for me personally, and for the multitudes of people I’ve had the opportunity to talk to and coach over the past four years, I believe “secret eating” is the most common and least talked about core catalyst that so many people are resolved that they’ll never be able to leave in their past. In sharing my story, and the stories of many others, I’m intending to shine a light of awareness and support to any and all who want to be part of the conversation and be a part of a circle of support.

A great quote from Pinterest, and inspiration to stop secret eating

This quote on Pinterest really spoke to me this morning as I declared and shared on Facebook that I was entering Day 2 of my journey to never secret eat again.

So I’d love to hear your comments and your personal experiences with “secret eating”, and if you’re interested in sharing your story in the book please email me at

And last but not least… here is my #WeighInWednesday [reason-free] result: 277.4lbs

Please stay tuned and witness the lbs fall a “weigh” as I honor my “word.”


  • Meredith says:

    I have always had a problem with “secret eating”. Even now, as I have lost about 30 lbs since last year eating the right foods and staying in the gym, I still have a problem with this. I recently would find myself bored and would grab the rice cakes and peanut butter, and before I would know it, I would have consumed many more than the recommended serving size. Afterwards, I would regret my decision in over-indulging, and would say “ok, tomorrow I am going to stick to my guns!” So that shows that you can easily be a “secret eater” indulging in healthier foods but are only healthy in moderation. I have had to quit buying peanut butter or granola in the past because I would find myself eating way more than any person should eat at once. It’s definitely something I am working on each day. I have to think about the weight i could actually lose if I ate all the recommended portions and did not over-indulge.

  • Lori says:

    I am a ‘secret eater’. I never knew exactly what I was or what I had until I read this. I know that I am an obsessive compulsive eater but a secret eater makes sense to me also. I have struggled with this for years. I am age 52. I have been a secret eater since I was in high school. I have never purged. There would be times I would OverEat several days in a row. It might be one day in the week. Maybe it would be one day in the month. It seems in the last 3-4 years it has escalated. I feel shame after I have done the OverEating to the point I am so miserable. I have done the OverEating to the point right before I could puke, and I do not puke at all. My intentions every single day is to eat healthy, and strive to do well each day, and whether it will be in the same day, or the next day, or a few days later, I manage to throw it all out the window. I do not know what I do this. It’s a total struggle daily to talk myself into eating right and not overeat and most of the time I blow it before the morning is over. I know it’s ridiculous. My intention is not to derail myself, but I seem to do it more frequently than ever. I am now at 250 lbs. which is my highest weight. It is taking its toll on my mentally and starting to physically. So far I’ve been lucky not to have any health issues, but I know if I don’t get control, I will eventually. On the outside, I have a great job, a wonderful husband, and my life is really great, except for one thing… “OverEating”and ‘Secret Eating”. I went to OverEaters Anonymous one time, and there was only 2 people there. They did not address anything about overeating once. I was at a desperate point when I attended, but all they did was discuss what the 12 steps were, and said a prayer at the end. I was expecting this group to discuss about OverEating, but it was never addressed. I never went back, as I was so disaapointed. On the way home, I picked up a big bag of chips and dip, and ate it all. I will google bingeeating, but the majority of the sites talk about the eating disorder purging, which I do not do. Is this a rarity? or is this a subject that is not publicly addressed? I wouldn’t wish this on anyone, but if you do suffer from OverEating and Secret Eating, please comment your experiences. I need to know if there are lots of others that suffer from this also. Thank you for listening and Jay, I’m so happy for you. I hope to get to where you are at mentally as well as physically. If I could be able to live the rest of my life without obsessing about food, and not obsess that I’m not going to overeat and eat unhealthy, etc, I would feel very blessed and grateful.

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