Why Self Judgment Keeps You From Living the Life You Want
If we only think about “right and wrong” or “good and bad,” where is the opportunity to learn and grow?
Since the day Jay chose to let his secret out about his secret eating, his outlook on the path to achieve his goal has grown in so many ways. The way he’s completely open and honest about what he shares, how he shares it, and what he’s learning from each decision he makes is exciting and fun to watch. Like most of you, besides the days Jay and I talk, I am invited to see all of his daily food choices on Instagram by following Jay at @smartphonefitjay.
Imagine what it would be like for you to share every meal you have with the world, no matter what your conscious choice of options it was.
How many of you just thought to yourself, “I couldn’t do that,” “I wouldn’t want to subject myself to what people/strangers thought,” “I would only post the good meals not my bad ones,” or just simply, “No way, I’m afraid?”
What would your life look like if you never had those thoughts, feelings, or inability to take such action? How free would you feel to live your life the way you WANT to? Do you realize the TRUTH is you absolutely can, just like Jay is doing right now?
The only person holding you back from being able to live your life the way you want is yourself, and the judgments you have about yourself.
Too often in life, we make decisions based on what we perceive as how others will judge us. How they will view us as making “bad” or “wrong” choices and we follow up with statements such as the following:
I know I shouldn’t, but….
This is so bad for me, but…..
Why is it so hard for me….
It’s not my fault….
I’m limited to what’s available to me….
You don’t understand….
They look at me like….
I can keep going but I think you get the gist of what I’m referring to and maybe you came up with a whole bunch of other thoughts too. You are not alone in any of these thoughts or feelings. The other side of these types of thoughts is when we have them about ourselves, we automatically have them about others, and instinctively think that those others are thinking exactly the way we are about ourselves. This is true but it is not TRUTH.
Let me share some TRUTH about how judgment distracts us and prevents us from living the life we want. Judgment is a very catabolic use of our personal available energy. It drains us, restricts our ability to make decisions, and we believe there are only two possible outcomes. We make decisions based on these judgments and later on can feel as if we had no choice because we were a victim to the situation with only a limited choice.
Now, what if instead believing we only had two choices, we had many in that situation. I will provide you with what Jay shared on his Instagram page and show you how he was able to see many options available to him.
This past weekend, Jay was away for an event, which many friends surrounded him the entire time. Most of the food choices were on a predetermined menu, but here is one very specific situation.
One of the meals was pizza and there were four different choices that were there. A judgmental view can look like this – “Great, I love pizza but know it’s bad for me but there is nothing else here to eat so I have no choice but to eat it. I should have know that this would happen to me, why didn’t I prepare ahead of time. All those beautiful pizza aromas really draw me in and I am stuck giving into temptation. What is everyone going to think of me if I post this pick?”
But instead of self judgment, Jay had a completely different view of the situation. One that was fully utilizing the anabolic energy available to him to find options and opportunities, made with the thoughts of understanding and feeling at peace. His action was one of acceptance of the situation he was in to create a teaching experience of how there are more than just two options. As you can see, Jay consciously chose to have two slices and knew they were the best option available. The anabolic energy Jay had going into this decision was not one based on fear of what others were going to think of him, but exemplifying the ability to see an array of opportunities to respect his value of freedom. Freedom of choice, freedom from self judgment and freedom to live how he WANTS to, not has to.
I love watching Jay live freely because the energy he is tapping into and living his life with now is bringing amazing results that he sees and feels. All of this started happening when he let go of his own judgment of himself, the life he was lying about (secret eating) to himself, the fighting over feeling out of control, and fear of losing his freedom.
The FUN is just beginning with Jay and I!
By tapping into his anabolic energy, Jay’s TRUTH is full of opportunities, no matter what the situation is. There is success and lessons learned, not right or wrong, or good or bad. There is choice and the result is no matter what the situation, he is growing and getting closer and closer to the best version of himself yet. His goal to become vibrantly fit is now viewed as focusing on the “vibrant” life he can lead, and how he continues to learn so much about himself and who he wants to be.