Two Elements That are Essential to Your Goals in Life
In my last article “The Most Important Thing I Learned From My Life Coach” I came clean with everybody that I wasn’t being my word to myself, or anyone else. That I’d finally woken up to the realization that if I was ever going to have the types of personal transformation I was saying I wanted, and achieve my goals in life, I needed to be willing to surround myself with a coach. With a few coaches, in fact.
So at the end of my article I introduced everyone to Andrea R. Kao who I hired to properly train and prepare me to run my 2nd NYC Marathon. I thought this would cause a personal transformation by taking my physical fitness to a new level.
When I first met Andrea, I thought she was a running coach. And she is, but what I quickly learned is that she’s a very accomplished life coach, and what really makes Andrea very unique and valuable is that she’s an Energy Coach. Yes, an Energy Coach.
Ok, you might be thinking that sounds a little “whoo whoo,” but trust me, she’s far from it.
I’ve asked Andrea to give everyone a 30,000 ft. overview of what being an Energy Coach is in her next article, but until she does, you can get a glimpse into the philosophy and methodology of what she’s coaching me on at “Core Energy Coaching.”
And if you haven’t read her last #couchkills article yet, you might find it interesting to read “Why I Coached Him Out of Running a Marathon.”
Sounds a little strange doesn’t it.
A coach who coached me out of the very thing I hired her to train me to do.
Well, what I’ve come to learn through Andrea’s coaching is that running a marathon is very much like living your life.
If you don’t know why you really want to do something, or you’re not really looking at what’s behind what you say you want to do, have or be, you might not only not finish the race, you very well might get injured. Even worse, you might be running in the wrong direction from your goals in life.
Through Andrea’s listening, she helped me discover that I was not only running the marathon for the wrong reasons, I was also running in the wrong direction, literally backwards into my past.
Andrea eventually will help me with my running, but we’ve put running on the back burner while she’s started to help me look at the most important race I was running, or not running: my life.
Together we’re exploring the two areas of my life where I’m having the most inconsistencies, my eating and my energy. These two elements are essential for my overall long term wellness and running as well.
Very quickly I saw how interconnected my eating and energy were, but in this article I’m going to stay focused on what I’m learning about my eating. We’ll open up the discussion what I’m learning about my energy insights in a future article, and for the next few articles we’re going to continue to explore my thoughts, feelings, actions, and inactions around all things eating.
Before I met Andrea, I knew intuitively that my challenges with overeating, bingeing and especially “secret eating” were all rooted in my thinking, and they had nothing to do with being hungry.
And even though by applying the principles that Kim and I had shared in our book “smartphonefit” and my TED Talk about the power of consciousness, choice, conditioning and community, which has helped me stay far away from ever being 435lbs again, or even anywhere near 300lbs, I still had quite a “weigh” to go to really feel and know I was living life, well, consistently.
You see, my post “reality show “ reality was that for the past 4+ years since my finale on Biggest Loser I’ve seesawed back and forth between 250 and 270lbs. And all the while, wanting and knowing that I should get closer to a healthy BMI of about 175lbs.
Countless times over the past 4 years I’d say I was once and for all going to not only get below my finale weight of 219lbs, I kept sharing and declaring I was going to get below 200lbs!
Yet time after time, I found that for whatever reason I’d give up on myself in just a short few days. Maybe I’d stay on plan for a week, maybe two, but that was it. It was like I had lost my mojo for being inspired and committed to losing weight.
I knew how to lose weight, I knew what to do, but I was stuck.
Not in a bad way, or a self-defeating way, just in a “I’m OK way.”
Until Andrea came along I’d make a plan[s], but I wouldn’t stick to my plan[s].
So I thought if Andrea created a plan, maybe I’d stick to her plan, but that didn’t work. She tried countless ways to offer ideas, she tried to get me to open up, and she suggested quite a few sound strategies and possible plans.
But my resistance to follow any plan Andrea offered got us both stuck for a while.
So that’s when Andrea decided that the best way to coach me was without a plan: enter a blank slate, a place from which we could take a look at…
What were my thoughts/feelings “preceding” all of my actions?
What were my thoughts/feelings “during” all of my actions?
What were my thoughts/feelings “after” all of my actions?
That was it.
Andrea was giving me the space to start to look at what was behind, in the middle, and after everything I was emoting, eating and exercising, or not.
From day one of Andrea’s coaching, she’s tried her best to get me to open up and share my thoughts and feelings around what, why and when I eat, and what’s the after effect. I didn’t think I was resisting her, but I was in almost any and every way possible.
Why was I doing that?
Together we’ve discovered it’s a big freedom issue for me, as I really value being free from any rules, constraints and restrictions as it relates to food. And what kept coming up for me in journaling what I was thinking, eating, and exercising felt like rules, constraints and restrictions by having to share it with her even though I said I was very willing to.
All Andrea was asking me to do was to start to journal what was going on in my head, and what I was eating so she could understand how I viewed the world, and help me discover the blind spots that were unconsciously making me feel like her coaching was giving me rules, constraints and restrictions.
She wasn’t telling me what I could eat, she was just asking me to share.
So in the beginning I started journaling on my iPhone to keep track in a notes app. I’d take pics of what I was eating and share it on Instagram, but it seemed the more I said I would do it, that I had it covered, the more I resisted doing it.
What I said I was willing to do, and what I actually did were miles apart.
Patiently, Andrea does her best to try to help me uncover why I’m so resistant in consistently journaling, and even though I’ve made progress, we’re still working together to exercise my consistency muscles.
To help me get some deeper insights into my associations and relationships with eating Andrea created a set of questions for me to review anytime I felt an urge to go off plan, which is very helpful when I remember, or should I say, I’m willing to actually review them before I throw caution to the wind and just go rogue.
Why do you want this?
What purpose does it serve you?
How will you feel afterwards?
What will you say to yourself?
Do you really want this?
These questions really help, but they’re not fool proof. Or, should I say they only work to the degree that I’m still willing to honestly take the time to let them set in.
Andrea has wanted me to share this week in some depth what I’m getting from using these questions, but I honestly can say I haven’t used them enough to really do them justice. Like exercising any muscle, I need to use them more often throughout the day, to do some “heavy lifting” with them.
One of the ways I’ve been able to use them more consistently is when Andrea got me over the hump of dictating my journal entries into the notes section of my iPhone vs. trying to type them. What a difference that has made, except over this past weekend.
Boy does the weekend still have power over me, or should I say, boy do I still let the “story” that the weekend has power over me, have power over me. It’s my toughest time to stay on plan, and it’s the toughest time for me to journal. In fact I stopped dictating into my iPhone Saturday morning, and I resisted dictating into it until midday Monday.
So as you might see, I’m not sharing that I’ve had a major breakthrough yet, and yet maybe I have.
One of the things that Andrea and I are exploring is my willingness to realize that my “all or nothing” mentality, or “I’ve gone off plan, so I might as well eat everything in sight because I’ve blown it” mindset isn’t a way of being that I’m interested in holding onto any longer.
That’s clearly on the table to explore, dissect, and move beyond.
Stay tuned as that story continues to unfold.
So welcome to the place I’m at, which is in some uncharted territory where I’m willing to start to exercising some new ways of looking at my relationship with my myself, my eating, and what it will take for me to actually leave the “weight” of my old thinking in the past so that I’m truly “living” life well, on of my goals in life, instead of “starting and stopping” living life well.
So that’s what I have to share for now, and I hope something I shared has opened something up for you to ponder, and if it has I’d love you to share it in a comment.
And if you haven’t read Andrea’s article this week. check it out here: These 5 Questions Will Help You Achieve Life Goals.